Back to school, trying to get a routine going, and a lunchbox I'd rather not talk about
Wrote this Wednesday night, posting it Thursday morning. Addy and Betsy went back today. Isla starts secondary tomorrow. I have had a lot of coffee.
On Monday I found a lunchbox in Addy's school bag from the last day of term. In July. New one's from Tesco, £4, llama on it, we're not discussing the old one.
This morning was the first proper one. Addy and Betsy in the hallway at twenty to eight, me asking whether the PE kit is in the bag or just, like, near the bag. The answer was yes. The answer was not true. And Isla's is tomorrow, which is the big one. New school, blazer that's slightly too big because it'll "last", and she's already complaining about the tie. She's fine. I'm not.
I'm a step-dad, three girls, me, Charlotte, and Noodles the dog. Every summer the routine just dissolves, bedtime becomes more of a vibe, and honestly I don't care in August. The problem's the switch back. Suddenly everything has to run to a clock, and the only tool I've ever had for that is saying the same thing again a bit louder. Which works right up until it doesn't, and then you're just a shouty bloke in a hallway.
So, a brain dump of what's worked for us. Some of it's normal parent stuff, some of it's the app I built, TaskAdoodles. I'll say when it's the app.
Start before school does
First year I tried to reset the lot on the first morning of term. Disaster. Isla lying there at half nine going "I'm not TIRED", useless the next day, somehow my fault.
Now we start four or five days out. Bedtime comes forward fifteen minutes a night, which nobody notices, that's the trick. And this sounds ridiculous but we did two practice mornings last week. Everyone up, dressed, fed, and then... nobody went anywhere. Charlotte gave me a look. But this morning was so much calmer than last year that I'm doing it every year now.
Don't make the list too long
Other thing I did that first year. Made a chart. Laminated it. Fourteen jobs on it. Genuinely proud of it. Lasted nine days. Ten maybe. It's still in the drawer under the microwave.
What actually sticks is three or four things, tops. Ours at the minute: bag packed the night before, uniform out, homework before screens, and one job round the house each, dishwasher or bins or the dog depending who's got what. That's the entire list.
The bit where I stopped being the reminder
Right, this is where the app comes in, so, you've been warned.
Every routine I've ever set up for the kids has really been a routine for me. I'm the one who has to remember it's bin night. I'm the one who has to remember Betsy's got dance Monday and Tuesday so her kit needs washing Sunday, and that the other two are at youth club Monday so nothing's getting done before seven. And on the days when work's a nightmare, I don't ask. Then a week later I'm stood in the kitchen going "nobody does ANYTHING round here" when actually I stopped asking and it all went with me.
Honestly that's why TaskAdoodles exists. I wanted the reminding to happen without me doing it.
You set a task up once, tell it daily or weekdays or Tuesdays and Thursdays or whatever, and it just keeps turning up for the kids by itself. On their phones if they've got them (Isla has, she's starting secondary, don't start), or the tablet in the kitchen for the other two. So "pack your bag" pops up every weekday evening whether I've remembered or not, whether I'm stood outside dance or not. Mondays are carnage here, three kids in three places, and the quests still turn up when everyone's home at half seven. (Kids see them called quests, I see tasks, don't ask.)
Nobody's nagging. It's just there on the screen. And I genuinely don't know what it is, they'll argue with me for twenty minutes about anything, they will not argue with the tablet.
Points
Look. The kids do not care about a tidy house. I have tested this. Extensively. What they care about is points and what the points get them. Every quest earns some, and you decide what they're worth. Ours are cheap. Picking the film Friday. Extra half hour on the Switch.
There's an avatar they level up and mini games that unlock, and I'll be straight, that's the bit they care about most. The moment I knew it was doing something: Addy found me in the garden and asked if I could ADD "clean your bedroom" as a quest, because she needed more points to unlock a game. I have never been asked to invent a chore. Added it. She did it. I went up and checked. It was, annoyingly, fine.
Photos
"Did you tidy your room?" "Yeah."
Means less than nothing.
When they mark something done they can take a photo and it comes through to me to approve. Thought they'd hate this. They don't, it's their proof. I can approve stuff from the sofa or the car outside dance on a Tuesday, and they get their points straight away.
We fell off it too, to be fair
I'd rather be honest than look good on my own blog. We barely opened the app over the summer. I built the thing and still didn't use it for six weeks. Make of that what you want.
But I think that's just what chores are like, they come and go. What matters is whether you can pick it back up without starting again. This week it was just opening the app. The quests were still there. Didn't have to make another chart (see: drawer under the microwave).
Anyway
Dog walking's one of Isla's daily quests. Tonight, night before her first day at secondary, when I'd have let her off anything, I came downstairs about seven and she was stood by the front door, coat on, Noodles' lead in her hand, just waiting. Because she wanted the points before the day ran out.
Nobody had said anything. I actually stood on the stairs for a second.
So that's where we're up to, one day in. Mornings are still chaotic, Addy's still losing water bottles at a rate I can't financially sustain. But the big stuff's happening without me driving it, and that's the difference from last year.
If you want to give it a go it's free for 14 days, so you can set the routine up now and see if it sticks before it costs you anything. Cancel whenever. One parent, two, step-parents, co-parents, kids with phones, kids without.
Right. Isla's alarm is set for half six and I'm more nervous than she is. Then Betsy's at dance Monday, the other two are at youth club, and we'll see if the app survives its first proper Monday of term. I'll let you know. Mostly about the water bottles.